Oh 6am we have to stop meeting this way. Perfect time for some late night blogging.
First thing’s first, #1 on that list is for me to tell my middle name and now I feel about it. My middle name is Irene. I like it. It’s my grandma’s name. I never really met her because she died before I was born because of her lifestyle choices, and with the way I’m fucking shit up right now I’m following in her footsteps.
I drank tonight with the excuse that it’s “wasted wednesday”. Nothing good can really come out of me drinking, especially on a Wednesday night. I ended up telling one of my new friends here, who I actually really like, that he’s obsessed with me. Why did I say that? No idea. I was drunk and flirting with two other guys in the middle of a convenient store. Now he’s really pissed at me. Lovely.
At some point a normal person would be like, hey, maybe I should lay low and not drink as much. I don’t have the ability to do that. Shit like this happens all the time but it still isn’t enough to make me change anything.
Now what do I have? A meeting with 6am and a hangover. Awesome. I wanna go home.
So I really do nothing. Like absolutely nothing. I rely on my natural ability to get me though pretty much all of life. It’s worked though my whole existence so far, and I’m waiting for when it’s gonna catch up to me. Like now. I’m writing on my blog and dicking around on facebook and online shopping. What should I be doing? My calculus that was due on Friday. It’s not even like it’s hard. I’m in calc 1 when I should be in calc 3 and I already have the answers to copy down. I just have no motivation to do it. At all.
That bad feeling that I used to get in like, grade school/middle school is completely gone. That one in the pit of your stomach that makes it not even worth skipping homework. I’m completely calm about it, I don’t care.
i feel like my standards for having a good time are too high.
that’s not gonna get me very far in life. lovely. i see other people’s “wooo college” albums on facebook and hear about the things they’re doing and they say that they’re having sooo much fun. but the truth is, that shit is not that exciting. been there done that. i need a new thrill. something that’s actually exciting. i just don’t know what it is yet.
So life really isn’t that bad. Maybe I’m overly dramatic about my hatred of Iowa. I do indeed enjoy life. And I love the freedom of college.
What I don’t know about, though, is how I feel about being the other woman.
Does she know about me?
Do you care if she does?
Do I even care?
Do you have any respect for me at all?
Does this even phase you?
Everyone tells me that you’re no good, my gut tells me they’re wrong. They say to break it off, but the thing is, there’s nothing to break off. And I don’t want to ruin what we have right now, I’m having fun right now. But I know it’s not classy.
I’ve got about a half hour to dick around until my next class and then I’m done for the day. It’s a Friday and I’m in college so that means it should be awesome right? Hah. No. I forgot. I go to Iowa State! The party scene consists of sluts and bros trying to fit in with the rest of the sluts and bros while trying to convince themselves that they are indeed unique. Gag. Vomit.
I feel like I was spoiled back at home. Maybe if the parties weren’t so good then I wouldn’t be so upset with the party scene now. It’s like I’m almost envious of the kids that did nothing in high school and now think that college is just THE SHIT. almost. Oh well, I’m hoping Madison will be better. It’s not as heavy on engineers, more liberal arts, more people that are justweird. I really like weird people. It’s something different, something to question and pay attention to. Something to figure out. How are people that are all the same going to entertain me?
Hah. That whole rant sounded extra bitchy. Good thing nobody reads this ;)
there's a light on in chicago and i know i should be home...
So yeah. It’s been almost 50 days since I’ve been home. Iowa can suck a dick. I’ve resorted to making a blog that nobody reads and making easy (but illegal) money. I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss my shit ass job with the shit ass people, I miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone (thanks MGMT), I miss skankless parties, I miss Chicago concerts, I miss eating out of my own kitchen, I miss taking a shit in my own bathroom, and I miss my damn cat.
Not that I haven’t met cool people, I have. I’m gonna miss some of these kids. It’s just that the vast majority bore me to tears. No big or anything. I will go out of my way to stay out of Iowa after I transfer. Good story.